bored

Chin_Lee · #1 06-15-2007, 04:25 AM

A woman meets a man in a bar. They talk; they connect; they end up
leaving together. They get back to his place, and as he shows her around his apartment, she notices that one wall of his bedroom is completely filled with soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears.

There are three shelves in the bedroom with hundreds and hundreds of
cute,cuddly teddy bears, carefully placed in rows covering the entire
wall!

It was obvious that he had taken quite some time to lovingly arrange
them and she was immediately touched by the amount of thought he had put into organizing the display. There were small bears all along the
bottom shelf, medium-sized bears covering the length of the middle
shelf, and huge, enormous bears running all the way along the top
shelf. She found it strange for an obviously masculine guy to have such
a large a collection of Teddy

Bears, but doesn't mention this to him, and actually is quite impressed
by his sensitive side.

They share a bottle of wine and continue talking and, after a while,
she finds herself thinking, "Oh my God! Maybe, this guy could be the
one! Maybe he could be the future father my children?" She turns to him and kisses him lightly on the lips. He responds warmly.

They continue to kiss, the passion builds, and he romantically lifts
her in his arms and carries her into his bedroom where they rip off
each other's clothes and make hot, steamy love.

She is so overwhelmed that she responds with more passion, more
creativity, more heat than she has ever known, and even did a few
things she had never done with any other man.

After an intense, explosive night of raw passion with this sensitive
guy, they are lying there together in the afterglow. The woman rolls
over, gently strokes his chest and asks coyly, "Well, how was it?" The
guy gently smiles at her, strokes her cheek, looks deeply into her
eyes, and says......................

"Help yourself to any prize from the middle shelf!"

SuperFudge · #2 06-15-2007, 04:37 AM

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”

SuperFudge · #3 06-15-2007, 04:39 AM

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says ‘What the hell was that all about?”

Der_Iron_Chef · #4 06-15-2007, 05:39 AM

LOL! Chin! R-rated humour is the best!

fortheloveofcrabs · #5 06-15-2007, 08:21 AM

"“Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”"

That's fantastic!!! LOL!!

Matt · #6 06-15-2007, 02:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fortheloveofcrabs

"“Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”"

That's fantastic!!! LOL!!

There are so many great golf-obsession jokes... another fave:
Kelly was a golf fanatic - so much so that it became a point of friction in his marriage. When he went out one Saturday, he was warned that they had guests coming over in the afternoon, and he had best be on time. Well, when he got home at 6, he was greeted by his very angry wife. "Wait!" he yelled back, "My friend George had a heart attack and died on the third hole!" His wife immediately began to sympathize. "I know," said Kelly, "so you can understand why I'm late! For the rest of the afternoon, it was 'hit the ball, drag George, hit the ball, drag George.'"

Der_Iron_Chef · #7 06-15-2007, 06:41 PM

The real question is.....

What came first, the clownfish or the clownfish egg?

Uhh. *sigh* I try