bored

[michika]

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed. "Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked. "HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"

[michika]

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

[Pier Pressure]

One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.

The demon asked, "Why so glum?"

The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"


"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."


"Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"


The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."

"You a smoker?" the demon asked.

"You better believe it!"

"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out! If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?"

"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"

The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."

"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do"

"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow.

You into drugs?"

The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . ."


"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"


"Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

Finally the demon asked, "You gay?"


"No!" replied the man.


"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays!"

[Der_Iron_Chef]

LOL!! I love it. Made me laugh outloud.

Thanks

[michika]

Lol!

[Pier Pressure]

Yeah that is a good one. I laughed so hard the first time I heard it I thought I would share it here.

I have a joke folder in my email account and it lets me cut and paste directly into a quick reply. Sure saves some time. Glad you enjoyed the joke!

[OCDP]

Ahaha roderick, that was a gooder.

So there's this magician on the street performing tricks for random folks. A guy walks up to the magician, and the magician says "Here, I've got a trick for you" , The man says "ok" and the magician pulls out a sledge hammer. The magician says "alright now, hit me as hard as you can in the face with this sledge hammer, your gunna like this" The man, unsure of what to do, questions him "you want me to hit you in the face???" , the magician replies "as hard as you can" .

The man picks up the sledge hammer, and sure enough, smacks him in the face with the sledge hammer as hard as he can. The magician falls to the ground and passes out, and is soon after rushed to the hospital. The magician now spends the next 10 years in a coma. And then suddenly one day, the magician wakes from his coma and yells " TA DA!! "



ahah such a stupid joke, but i laugh everytime.