bored

[christyf5]

Originally Posted by Der_Iron_Chef

Hmmph. No more entertaining Christy for ME!

oh you'll be back

[Der_Iron_Chef]

*sigh* You're so right.

Now I'm bored. Christy, I think it's time for you to entertain me!

[christyf5]

Originally Posted by Der_Iron_Chef

*sigh* You're so right.

Now I'm bored. Christy, I think it's time for you to entertain me!

sadly I am bored as well. and I've got nothin.

edit: found some!

[christyf5]

At Yale University, there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an "A" so far.
These four friends were so confident, that the weekend before finals they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time, but after all the hearty partying;

They slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to New Haven until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final, they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire and as a result, they missed the final.
The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were so excited and relieved so they studied that night for the exam.

The Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem, worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in a separate room, thinking this was going to be easy.... then they turned the page. On the second page was written....
For 95 points: Which tire? _________

[christyf5]

A team of archaeologists is excavating in Israel when they find a cave
with the symbols of a woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of
David on the wall.

The head archaeologist points to the first drawing. “This indicates that
these people were family oriented and held women in high esteem.” he
says. “The donkey shows they were smart enough to use animals to till
the soil. The shovel means they were able to forge tools. Even further
proof of high intelligence is the fish: If famine hit the earth, they
would take to the sea for food. The last symbol is the Star of David,
telling us they were Hebrews.”

The second archaeologist shakes his head. “Hebrew is read from right to
left,” he explains. “It says, ‘Holy Mackerel, Dig the arse on that Chick!’”

[Der_Iron_Chef]

ha ha ha. nice.

[michika]

Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the youngster was doing, he politely asked, "Whatcha doing, Tim?"

"My goldfish died", replied the boy without looking up, "and I've jiust buried him."

The neighbor was concerned. "Thats an awefully bug hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"

Tim patted down the last heap of earth and then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

[michika]

One day, there was this lawyer who had just bought a new car, and he was eager to show it off to his colleagues, when all of a sudden an eighteen wheeler came out of nowhere and took of the driver's side door with him standing right there. "NOOO!" he screamed, because he knew that no matter how good a mechanic tried to fix it, it never would be the same. Finally, a cop came by, and the lawyer ran up to him yelling. "MY JAGUAR DOOR WAS JUST RUINED BY SOME FOOLISH DRIVER!!!" he exclaimed. "Your a lawyer aren't you?" asked the policeman. "Yes, I am, but what does this have to do with my car?!?!" the lawyer asked. "HA! Your lawyers are always so materialistic. All you care about is your possessions. I bet you didn't even notice that your left arm is missing did you?" the cop said. The lawyer looked down at his side and exclaimed "MY ROLEX!"

[michika]

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offence committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

[Pier Pressure]

One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.

The demon asked, "Why so glum?"

The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"


"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."


"Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"


The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."

"You a smoker?" the demon asked.

"You better believe it!"

"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out! If you get cancer, no biggie. You're already dead, remember?"

"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"

The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."

"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do"

"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow.

You into drugs?"

The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . ."


"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"


"Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

Finally the demon asked, "You gay?"


"No!" replied the man.


"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays!"