Funny! (but potentially offensive, some sexual references)

[Quinn]

How to Shower Like a Woman.
1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper
according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband
along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror make mental note to do
more sit-ups.
4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long
loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage
6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with
natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes
until red.
9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
10. Complain because your husband had been eating your gingernut and
jaffa cake body wash.
11. Rinse conditioner off hair.
12. Shave armpits and legs.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with
Tilex.
15. Get out of shower onto a floor towel. Dry with a towel the size
of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
16. Hang floor towel on side of tub.
17. Check entire body for zits, tweeze unwanted hairs.
18. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
19. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


How To Shower Like a Man.
1. Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave
them in a pile.
2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake
wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
3. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your
wiener and scratch your butt.
4. Get in the shower.
5. Wash your face.
6. Wash your armpits.
7. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
8. Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they
sound in the shower.
9. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
10. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the
soap.
11. Shampoo your hair.
12. Taste your wife's ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
13. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
14. Pee.
15. Rinse off and get out of shower. (What's a floor towel?)
16. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain
was hanging out of tub the whole time.
17. Admire wiener size in mirror again.
18. Leave shower curtain open, water on floor, light and fan on.
19. Return to bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass wife,
pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound
again.
20. Throw wet towel on bed.

Mods, if this type of post is a no-no, go ahead and delete it, I won't be offended.

[Jason McK]

I got that one by e-mail not to long ago. but it's such a riot I reread the entire thing

Thanks for the smile
J

[Canadian Man]

Thats awsome!

It doesnt apply to puggirl very much but I suppose its a decent rendition of men(and I guess I am a man).

I like #2 and #18 for the men.

[Quinn]

I like the way it pokes fun at shampoos and conditioners and all that crap. Everytime there's a new bottle in the shower I check the ingredients, you know, gotta be up on my obscure (non-existent?) fruits and vegetables, and know the latest french words appropriated for use in english.

[Jack]

You got that from Gene Simons book didnt you, from Kiss.

[EmilyB]

2. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake
wiener at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.

[AJ_77]

Yeah about that #2 - is it you or your weiner that is supposed to be making a "woo-woo" sound?? Is it the shaking that produces this sound?

[christyf5]

Good lord, if your weiner is making the "woo woo" sound you should probably see a doctor!

[mutabaruka]

Really? They're NOT supposed to make that sound?

[christyf5]