Wow, this sure has generated a lot of feedback, thanks to each of you for your comments, whether they are viewed positively or not. Each child/teenager even in the same house can not be treated the same as they all respond differently. What worked on my oldest daughter did not work on my youngest, therefore how to respond to this situation is also dependent on our boy and who he is. Belittling him, yelling is not going to do any good. He will not argue with us about this or his consequences, he's already acknowledged what he's done is very wrong and is already demonstrating a willingness to "make good". Disappointing dad is the probably the most effective gut wrenching feeling he has at the moment and dad hasn't even yelled at him. So ya, there's respect. He just doesn't have it for himself.
I have not said what he's done, I will say it was enough for the cops to come to our house looking for him and arresting him at 12:30 am. And yes there was someone who is a victim. A not so harmless halloween prank that went too far.
I was raised by extremely strict parents, my dad grew up in an orphanage in Rhodesia in the 1940's, my mom is from an abusive home. They had no parenting role models and no other family to help. I was spanked with a wooden paddle (like ping pong paddle). If we hid it because we knew we were in trouble, the spanking was worse. But it always ended with "I love you" and a hug. As a result, my brother and I both rebelled as teenagers, I was a horrible teen. My parents and I are very close now but do not agree on parenting still today, yet I have very good healthy, i know too much about my daughters sometimes, relationships with them (20 & 15). I'd say something is working. I've never spanked my girls, a swat on the bum, sure when they were younger but I found me "hitting" them, lead to them hitting others, so it stopped and other methods were used. Us 3 girls left an addictive relationship, but I have always always always been open and honest about drugs, alcohol and sex.
My step children (4 ages 21-11) are all great kids who have also dealt with some hard things and each of them has some things to work through. We will get some professional help. He stopped playing hockey this year, maybe we need a new outlet, once he's earned back his trust....
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