The way you said "Hi mom" makes it sounds like your mom is one of those people you want to punch in the face, and not a "Oh hi mom, I didn't know you were listening to me just now" kind of way. Of course, the ambiguity here only adds to your mysterious persona. Is she psycho or not? I don't know, but man her arms are covered in ink and not in a "my Sharpie just exploded" kind of way like it would be for me if my arms were covered in ink.
You ever find any good pho in Jersey? Guess where I'm going in about 30 minutes?
Oh hey, on the topic of which .. the coat rack broke again. This time I had nothing to do with it. Please ask your uncle not to arrest me.