Ok nevermind I think I'm wrong. A Google on the title pulls up a few links but none from The Onion, and there's nothing in their archives on it. Unless it's so old they took it down. I am positive I originally saw it there. 
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-Quinn
Man, n. ...His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth, and Canada. - A. Bierce, Devil's Dictionary, 1906
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