I am so sorry you are sad... You have taught a great many of us a big lesson and your losses are not in vain. Your story will save many people and fish from the same disaster you suffered. The worst thing to do is go to a LFS in a depressed state to begin with.
You need a break to rebuild and regain health in the tank. Take the time to build the automated water changes for the system and look forward to it... it is the best thing we ever could have done for our tank. Also get the stuff I told you about to build bacteria in your system to get the nitrates down. Get everything in order in the next six weeks and look forward to improving everything you have to make it better in the future.
I wish I knew what else to say.
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