Hi Camille.
Welcome back to the hobby and here's my advice for a happy marriage: burn the receipts!
I can't help you on the skimmer question but I can give you some pointers on the other stuff.
Rather than rely on product blurbs (everyone says theirs is the best) try looking for products that are used consistantly without complaint ie: the Dart is a commonly used, reliable pump). But the best advice is to start off with a vision of the completed tank. What will it look like? Will it be a fish only, soft coral or a SPS dominated reef. Each has it's own equipment requirements.
For a FO tank any lighting will do. Usually FO tanks are highly stocked (to make up for the lack of colour that corals provide) so a beefed up filtration system would probably be required.
For a soft coral dominated tank you could get away with Banks of T-5's, CF's or MH (metal halides). I don't think you would need 400's though (there are pros and cons to that much intensity). With T-5's and CF's you get less intensity but you also avoid a lot of heat issues so it's a trade off to consider.
For a SPS dominated tank you will need MH's and with a 30" depth good penetration is required. One note* with 4 - 400W bulbs going you will lose a ton of water via evaporation. Save yourself a lot of work by installing an automated water top up system. For that set up I would think of it as a necessary piece of equipment. You can run this right off of a dedicated R/O unit or have a reservoir under the stand that is filled from one. As well you will have to plan water cooling strategies for the summer months unless you have AC. This can be accomplished by reducing the photoperiod (not so good if you are right into SPS), running evaporative fans (be prepared for lots of top ups), or by installing a chiller.
If the R/O unit is for the tank only you won't need 100GPD (but you can have one if you want). Almost everyone initially fills the tank with tap water and after that it is really only needed for evaporation loss and the occasional partial water change.
The dart is a good choice for a return pump, reduced to 1" or 3/4" for two returns to the tank. Most tanks of that size will run a second closed loop using a dart as well for more flow.
You will not need the CA reactor initially. If you are planning a SPS dominated tank (or a heavily stocked softie tank), and when the corals begin to fill in and demand Ca that would be the time it is needed. Initially you can meet your Ca demands by performing partial water changes which has the added benefit of removing waste as well.
You really don't need a 100G. sump (but you can have one if you want). 75 is usually enough for every thing you need to stick in it and for water backflow (when the pumps stop) if the plumbing is done right. Usually bigger sumps have higher sides that make it awkward to work in. Rather than a big sump you should aim at a well designed one. This should include at least:
A chamber for the overflow drains
Room for the skimmer (make sure it can be removed and serviced when under the stand
A set of baffles to remove microbubbles (from the skimmer and overflows)
A chamber for the return pump.
Some people put refugiums, cryptic zones, deep sand beds etc... in the sump but the above list is the basics.
Of course all this is just my own opinion and rather basic but it should serve to start the discussion and give you some points to ponder. Everybody has a different slant to equipment and there is often two right ways to do something. I would suggest however that when a suggestion is made, to inquire what type of sytem it is used on and what the reasoning is. What works in one application might be a complete waste of money in another and someone should be able to justify its usefulness.
Good luck!
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