On two separate occasions over the years, I've had tank crashes and my largest and favourite fish died

The feeling of loss over simple fish is overwhelming. Only other reefers know how that feels.
Give yourself a few days to get over the shock of this terrible loss. I'm hoping you will find the desire to work with your tank again soon. After all, it's hard to get salt out of one's blood once it's there.
My deepest sympathies, Ruth
