When I started my current job last winter I decided that my life was going to be much too complicated to maintain the all the reptiles I had so I gave most of them away. I found that I more or less immediately filled this time with a renewed interest in my fish and corals. The dishes still stack up till Saturday.
My initial plan with the reef tank was to setup something small, nice and simple, keep maybe less difficult animals but keep them very well. Then I decided to I wanted a sump and all the powerheads in there were causing some heat issues etc. In the end I found myself with a rebuilt system with every "big tank" goody I could think of jammed into a 20. This was working well and so I figured, I can probably keep a clam and add some different fish and... The simple thing went out the window, whole progression took about 3 months. Then I had my series of screwups I've been complaining about all week. I'm going to try simple again, 3 fish and some soft corals, period.
Maybe that's the kind of thing you could consider. Your tank is very impressive but you are having trouble keeping it like you want to so why not get rid of some of the finicky livestock? It may not seem like it would be as satisfying to do easier stuff but I think you could make up for it with the knowledge that you do it very well. Hopefully this would be less demanding.
Just an idea.