Bartender and a pirate
 

A bartender says to a pirate: "Did you know you have a steering wheel hanging out of your pants?"

The pirate replies: "Ar!! It's driving me nuts."

hehe... good one Tony. :wink:

Funny. Thanks for a good giggle first thing in the morning. Have a good day y'all.

Anthony

Damn! I love that one. :biggrin: I was just thinking about the punch line the other day and couldn't remember the beginning part (I do that for almost every joke :rolleyes:)

A ventriloquist is sitting onstage at a comedy club. He and his dummy are spurting out really crude blonde jokes, when a blonde lady sitting in the audience stands up.
"I'm so sick of you people who think blondes are stupid. It's because of you that I have had to try harder to prove myself at work and in the community. There are just as many dumb people with red or brown hair. There are just as many smart people with blonde hair."
"Gosh, Miss, I'm terribly sorry. I was just telling jokes, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings." "Shut up! I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to that little jerk on your lap!"

A man walks into a pub and says, "Give me three pints of Guinness, please."
So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone.
He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low."
The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too and we're drinking together."
The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition and every week he sets up the guy's three beers as soon as he enters in the bar. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them, then orders two more. The bartender sadly says, "Knowing your tradition, I'd just like to just say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died." The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine - I just quit drinking."

!*!*!*!*! DIRTY JOKE IF EASILY OFFENDED DON"T READ !*!*!*!*!*


Why do doctors spank newborn babies????


To knock the penises off the stupid ones :razz:


I put in the warning because people might offended by the word "stupid"

Lmao, these are all hilarious! Thanks for the chuckles!

I'm really distraught. Came home today and my blow up doll had run away with my air mattress. I figure, no problem, I'll just go down to the local "gentleman's club" at which had a sign on the door-" Beat It Were Closed".


Went to the Doctors cause I thought I had Mono. Turns out I'm just really, really lazy.

Arrrr, matey! 'Tis a good yarn ye tell. Did quiver me foony boon, it did.
Me thinks to tell it to me 'mates 'nigh shanty time.
To be laughter all 'round wit a yarn so grand!
Anodder pint, me lass!

Cheers,:smile:

PS: Disclaimer- Old english not necessarily accurate.
PPS: Shanty time is Paaaaarrrrrrrtyyyy on a ship.:mrgreen: