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I was a bit of a bad ass growing up. From stealing cars to drugs. I never was caught but all my friends were. Ill tell you. For me it was looking to belong. I grew up poor in a rich town. I was bullied and in turn took friends that did thing as stated. Not to mention a few assult charges. As soon as I ditched these friends Iand found more constructive ways to spend my time. I fish and hunt have a live for wood working and gardening. I grew up great and have a positive life. I think IMO the best way to deal with rebčllion is to find the source which is probably his friends. If its about the rush and thrill of being bad maybe activities like cadets would be a good choice. Along with discipline I was thrilled to drive tanks, replell out of a helicopter in the bush on a survival trek. Or firing off assault rifles at a range |
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Now I can see where you think this might work, perhaps a TV show portrayed it as a good strategy. I tried this once 10 years ago. My child then punched me in the face, ran away from home and became addicted to meth. I'm going to suggest that the strategy was not overly successful. You will not yell a teenager into submission. This kid needs direction. Work with him to decide, together, the best approach to eliminate the behaviour. See what he thinks might work, once he's honestly agreeing it's poor behaviour. If he likes to fight, maybe organized fighting. Put him in some fight training, with the rule that fighting happens at class or in the ring. Outside the ring has consequences. Help him build goals that he sees as important, so that achieving the goal outweighs the choices to behave poorly. Sit down and talk to him as a person, and find out what drives this from his point of view. So many better options than yelling him into submission. My random thought for the day.. |
Jorjef. That's the most unreasonable and un constructive way to handle a situation. If you want a child to act like a adult then you can't act like a child.
All kids want is to understood and I think most of us forget what it was like to be fifteen. I agree with fight training such as boxing. Great workout and dicipline. As long as he understands the responsibility that comes with trained hands I once called my mother a few choice names out of rebellion and my dad treated me like a adult with adult dicipline. Haha he kicked my ass some feirce. Which I needed. I fought a lot growing up and my half crippled dad was the only person who put me into submission. I was cocky thinking I was invincible. I found out itherwise and in the long run I'm glad he did what he did. I believe in tough love but a parent needs to find the root of the problem |
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Best thing that happened to our boy at 15, was getting a job at MacDonald's. Changed his direction and life completely. He met new friends, kept busy, did well at school (ended up getting a scholorship), and now has a great career with a couple kids of his own.
Unfortunately, despite the best efforts of parents, boys (and girls too) are most vulnerable at that age. Hormones and who your friends are tend to rule. Luckily, the vast majority survive just fine, and turn out well. I think the trick is to keep good communication (listening and trust) with your kid, and try to channel their energy into positive activities. I strongly believe (I learned this in business, too) that positive reinforcement (look for things that he is successful at) is more effective than strict discipline. The latter might work for a while, but to be really successful (and have fun) in life, you have to find your own way, and learn to make good decisions, which includes seeking the input of others. |
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Having said all that, I am now in my dad's situation and having to teach respect and discipline to my children. I think that my principles are similar to his, but my approach and methods are not the same. I won't hit him or break his stuff but I let him know very sternly that what he did was wrong and he needs to be disciplined. At this point I can get away with removing things that he cherishes like his favourite toys and foods and activities. This always does the trick. Who knows, as he grows up things may change :-) |
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Yell louder, Smash more valuable stuff, make them clean up the bigger, more expensive mess faster? Take their car away or smash it into a wall? You are RAISING a child into an equal, not forcing them into submission for life. I know a few people that grew up in such an manor, and they are afraid to ever speak there mind, challenge authority, or make hard decisions that have consequences, without someone guiding them all the time. |
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