I also dont have any colonies too close either, they are at least 2" apart.

could it possibly be my lighting? Im running 120watts of cree LED's. The tank is a 35 gallon cube. 60 watts of blue running at 100% and 60 watts of white running at 80%

I've had mine under low light and very intense light, always had polyps. Just give it time, sounds like it's fine otherwise.

I have a Hydro and, as far as stinging, he will let other coral grow within roughly 5cm of him before he stings, but when he does, wow! He will kill over 15 cm (at lest 2') away from him.

As for polyp extention - this is actually a great topic. I have great growth and color on my colonies, but in many cases very little PE (compared to when I bought them). I know flow has some bearing, as does light, and tank conditions, but for the life of me, I can't pin it down to one thing. I do notice better PE after a water change though. Maybe old water is causing issues?